"Save the mouse!" Petition

To all animal lovers:

As a firm believer in animal rights, I will expose below an example of animal cruelty which is perpetrated (knowingly or not) by every person who uses a computer:

The inhuman exploitation of the mouse!

Yes, that is right, the mouse is an animal like any other, an animal that lives, thinks and that can even be said to possess intelligence! Here is a horrifying list of mouse abuse and cruelty:

  • The mousepad measures about 25x25 cm (or 10 by 10 in). Even chicken in poultry farms have more space to roam about!
  • The mouse is chained to a short 1.5m (5ft) cable, and that's for a lifetime! Occasionally keeping a dog in the leash is nothing compared to that. Any dog has a longer leash!
  • Any mouse that is no longer used ends up in the trashcan instead of being freed!
  • No mouse will ever see sunlight or breathe fresh air!
  • Being kept in solitude, mice cannot multiply naturally, but are produced in factories!
  • No mouse will be offered any food, water, or other healthy nutrient. This leads to serious health and behavioral anomalies!
  • The mouse is always grabbed by its dorsal area, rubbed against hard surfaces, dismantled, screwed in, glued, or sometimes even surgically modified so that its initial, natural shape can no longer be seen! Such extreme cases of sadism are called "trackballs".
  • More recently, so-called initiatives for freeing the mouse have surgically removed its tail and embedded into the mouse a radio tag which permanently tracks its position. That constant surveillance does not allow the mouse any privacy!

The "Save the Mouse" movement demands of policymakers to enact the following laws:

  1. Each mouse must possess a mouse pad of no less than 1x1m (3x3 ft.)
  2. The minimum mouse cable length must be 5m (15ft)
  3. Severe sanctions for owners who do not free their aged mouse
  4. The mouse must be kept in a natural, healthy, habitat
  5. Strict medical control of the health status of the mouse
  6. Mice shall be kept in pairs, to allow for natural reproduction
  7. Immediate ban on "trackballs"
  8. Subsidies for encouraging alternatives to the mouse

Support this movement by signing this petition and passing it on to your friends!

Thank you in advance for your support!

Attribution notes: this hilarious petition reached me as a chain e-mail written in Romanian. Surprisingly, I wasn't able to find any English copy online, so I must assume this was original work, and well worth translating into English. A Romanian copy is posted at "Salvati mouse-ul" (mirror).

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